I'm just me-P1

~Bismillah~

I know you guys have been waiting for my new post for such a long time and

I'm just so sorry for not being able to update new posts as I'm getting busier this new year.

But no matter what, I hope you guys have been looking forward to know my new updates.

So stay calm and keep reading.

This post is going to be just simple and straightforward in which I will be talking specifically about myself.

Actually just now, right before I posted this entry, I tried to record a few videos to be uploaded on my Youtube channel. But all of them didn't work out. You know what, I just can't film a good video just like my inspirers. Michelle Phan, Aiman Azlan, Aisya Syakira, Adibah Awang... all of them are very great vloggers. They are good bloggers to. They have talents in both speaking and also writing. But me... it's pointless to state here but I'm going to say it anyway... 

I'm such a suck when it comes to speaking in front of a camera (webcam actually)...

I wish I could be like all of them (stated above). I also want to have my own Youtube channel whereby I can upload as many videos as possible telling people so many things about my life. I just want to inspire other people through my videos but when I had created one, I failed to get people's attention to even watch my videos. Because (I know) all my videos are sucks and none of them inspires anyone. How sad is that.

Until now, I'm still looking for my own special features but I just don't know in which area does my talent lie.

I've such no talent in almost everything. (I'm feeling down again)

I think I'm lost in the battle.

Sorry, can I have some tissues? (feeling like crying)

Why can't I be a source of inspiration to anyone?

None of these two skills; writing or speaking I'm good at.

I'm such an untalented person.

Oh God, why must I feel this way about myself?

When I was a kid, I always believed that one day I could see my true self, which at least I could try

to discover my true identity without imitating others. But I don't think that is what I'm doing right now.

All I can see now in myself is that I've always tried to pretend to be like other people; like Michelle, Aiman, Adibah etc.... although I know it's nearly impossible for me to be one of these great people whom I respect so much.

I feel very stressful right now and I'm tired too.

I do wish I could be like these people but doesn't that mean I'm still keeping my true identity?

What is my true identity anyway?

What am I?

No, the question is supposed to be like this...

WHO AM I????????

Yes, I'm Wan Hazimah. Mostly everyone knows that. They know my name. My look. My personality.

But the only think that they and I myself don't know is that what and who am I to them?

Oh Lord, I've no idea of what I'm babbling about right now.

But all I'm saying is that, no matter how much I struggle to inspire other people,

no one would get inspired by me. And the worst fact that I would ever have to accept in my life is that

none of those people out there would love to have me as their source of inspiration.

Seriously, this is the most saddest thing about myself. About a lady named Zimah.

I'm so helpless. 

I think I'm useless too. 

I just can't find the ways to shine again.

My life is getting dark again.

'My star' has stopped to shine and I almost stop shining...

What should I do???

to be continued...