kata hati

~Bismillah~

I have a confession to make. Ada kata-kata yang ingin diluahkan di sini setelah sekian lama ia terpendam di hati. Ada seseorang yang pernah saya kenali dan dia hadir dalam hidup saya tanpa saya minta. Dia masuk ke dalam hati saya tanpa saya duga. Tapi sekarang dia dah tiada. Dia dah 'pergi.' 'Pergi' meninggalkan walaupun bukan untuk selamanya (lagi). Yang pasti, dia pergi meninggalkan seribu satu persoalan di hati. However, kenapa sampai sekarang saya masih tidak mampu terus-terusan berfikiran negatif tentang dirinya? Saya sedar saya tak mampu. Sebaliknya, saya sering risau tentang keadaannya. Adakah dia sihat? Adakah dia baik-baik saja? Adakah dia tenang? Mungkin. Tapi dalam ketenangan itu, adakah dia bahagia setelah mengetahui dan menyedari bahawa ada sekeping hati yang masih lagi  berduka kerana dia? Kalau betul dia tenang dan bahagia, alhamdulillah. Tapi tolong doakan saya juga agar bisa mendapatkan ketenangan dan kebahagiaan dengan cara saya juga. Tolong, cuba bantu saya. Kata hati saya, "Dia masih menyayangimu,  hanya dia tak mampu." Saya redha.

Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

Lagu ni bukan ditujukan untuk sesiapa... saya post sebab just nak bagitahu yang saya suka sangat dengan lirik dan muziknya.

:)

trust

~Bismillah~

From now on, I decide to not to trust anyone so easily. I will never ever share about me, my life, my problems or anything pertaining to myself with anyone especially those who do not really know who the real Wan Hazimah is and who never concern or care about her. I've experienced the feeling of being betrayed by someone so-called sahabat baik many times in my life and I won't let myself be deceived again for the third, fourth, fifth time... seriously! Enough is enough! (tetiba emo) I just can't believe that friends whom I trust so much dare to spread about me and about everything I had shared with them to their other friends whom I'm not closed with. Don't know on what purpose they did this but.... they upset me. Seriously, if I got the chance to meet them eye to eye, this is what I will say to those people.... "I've trusted you so much in the name of our friendship. But, you have ruined that trust and you broke my heart too. Now, my trust is no longer yours to keep. I shall take back my trust that I had put so much in you. Don't ask for it anymore coz I will never return it to you." I wish I could say this right in front of their faces but I got no strength and of course I will never do such thing. Cukuplah diorang paham-paham sendiri je and only if they accidentally view my blog, I hope they will read this post and really comprehend the meaning behind its content. This is my final words to you guys. And lastly, it would be much appreciated if you don't look for me anymore or don't think me as one of your best friends anymore because I will never believe the value of friendship you bring along with you when we meet again next time. So long.

    

companions

~Bismillah~

Yesterday... fuhh! Alhamdulillah...done with World Literature exam. One of the killing subjects I'm taking this semester. Should I elaborate more about the exam? Err... sangat sadis sebenarnya because I answered the first question wrongly! Again... careless mistake. I didn't read the instructions properly. Oh my Lord! I've lost 12 marks, terbang melayang macam tu je! Oh no!!!! What should I do, man? I told Kak Mei, "Kak Mei, I had mistakenly asnwered question number one! For the second part of question one, tak perasan langsung dia cakap except Tagore's. Macam mana, Kak Mei?" And Kak Mei was stunt, "Hei, dah bold dah ni!!! Ish! Ish! Ishi! (geram)." Oh no.... suddenly I felt like my heart stopped beating and the time stopped running. Hmmm.... what to do. My fault! Seriously. And when I told Kak Yusfa about my carelesness answering the first question, "Alah Zmah... Kak Mei mesti bagi punya markah. Dia takkan tak bagi langsung. Sebab dia lecturer kita. Dia dah bersama dengan kita sejak dari awal sem. Dia mesti faham punya. Lagipun, akak tak rasa jawapan Zmah semua tu salah. Ada yang betul tu dan ada kaitan dengan soalan." I hope Kak Yusfa was right. But what ever it is... it had passed and now I just need to focus on my next papers and tawakkal dekat Allah banyak-banyak! In sha Allah... Allah is full with mercy and Kak Mei will tolerate giving me good grades. Tapi macam manapun, like I always say to Kak Yusfa, "Ini semua exam dunia! Rileklah!" My principle is... do it for Allah and not for anything else.  Of course everyone wants to succeed and pass the exams with flying colours and no doubt I want to be one of those who'll grad with a scroll in my hand but.... if we do it for grades, dean's list or what so ever and not for Allah, to gain His blessings, it will be nothing! Zero! It will be useless and has no values at all! As long as we had struggled and put our efforts on it, just trust that even if we fail or succeed, we will satisfy for what ever Allah had given us in the end. In sha Allah, baek punya! (tetiba)

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Yesterday night.... bagi menghilangkan segala tensi yang semakin memakan diri menjawab kertas pereksa yang menyeksakan tu, Kak Yusfa, En and I went to JJ Wangsa Maju. Our port. We went there just because we wanted to release our stress of answering the killing exams. So, our first destination was the food court. We bought sushi from the market and ate them there, at the food court. Sodap!!!

Sushi. Drinks. Our dinner meal for yesterday night. The three of us just love sushi very much! And once En said, "En teringin nak makan sushi pakai chopstick tapi tak reti." "Alah En... senang je. Bagi Zmahlah kan, kalau chopstick tebal macam dekat KLCC tu lagi susah nak guna. Dia kalau lagi nipis chopstick tu, lagi senang nak kepit makanan." "Ye ke, Zmah?" En looked very curious and interested. And I was like, "Betullll!!!!" Hehe. Full of enthusiasm. 

Kak Yusfa, En... they both are my best companions as long as I've been studying in IIUM and interestingly, all three of us got to know each other well since we all had joined in QYC. Kak Yusfa said, "Bagi akak kan, QYC ni memang satu anugerahlah buat akak sebab macam-macam benda akak belajar tentang erti kehidupan dalam QYC ni." And if you ask me, this is what I'll say about how I feel as long as I've been joining QYC so far, "Bagi Zmah pulak Zmah rasa QYC ni hadiah Allah buat Zmah bukan sebab kelab ni best. Kalau yang tu memang no doubtlah! Tapi... sebab dalam QYC lah Allah temukan Zmah dengan orang-orang yang baik yang Zmah boleh jadikan sahabat. Sahabat-sahabat yang Zmah jumpa dan menerima diri Zmah sebagai Zmah semua ada dalam QYC. Antaranya.... Kak Yusfa dan En sendiri..." Terharu tak?? Hehe.

Friends... we can find anywhere but good companions are rare to find. Only those who are selected by Allah deserve to be our companions until we end the journey. As for my companions, susah senang mereka memang akan ada bersama. Baik buruk saya mereka akan terima dengan rela hati. That's why I rather call them best companions than best friends. Just like Abu Bakar and Umar as our beloved Prophet's companions, Kak Yusfa and En Siyah Muhammad play the same role in my life.

I love them both for Allah.

:')

Don't look back and never look back!