Since I was very small, I rarely make friends with people because I was a very shy and timid girl. No one can bear with my shyness and quietness. They found it very difficult to talk to me and to befriend me. I just knew it. That was me. Long before. I was very weak in socializing. Even at home, my only companions are my late Atuk and my Kak Uda. Only they know the ways to make me talk and laugh. No one except them could do it, including my mother. Strange, isn't it? But that's the real thing to be admitted here.
Until I entered the second half of my primary school, I met a few people that had turned me into someone else. Someone new. Our friendship has lasted until we got enrolled to the secondary level. We became closer and closer. We became good friends and we became best friends! The person is a she. She was always there when I needed her the most. We always overnight at each other's houses. Get to know with each other's family and tried to understand each other's hearts. I really miss the moment where we usually had our pillow talk before we went to bed. There were so many things, many issues that we talked about and one of it, I still can remember it until today.
Alhamdulillah, with Allah's bless, our relationship has lasted until today. However, we had lost contact. Since she went to study abroad, I never got to see her again. Since her parents separated from each other, I've never heard any news or stories about her. I always received a private message from her saying that she truly misses me but she never mentioned anything about returning to Malaysia. I heard that she's already here but how can I ever contact her? Her number had lost with my old hand phone and she never turned on her FB since then. But I just want to say that she's my only schoolmate who understands all my hindrances and she never said no whenever I need her hands in something. Even my mom and my sister love and miss her so much, I love and miss her even more. May Allah guard and protect her wherever she is.
When I started my new life as an adult student in UIA, I met several new people who had changed my life 180 degree. I knew them from QYC, one of the clubs that I had joined when I was still studying in UIA. I made friends with some and get close to them. Alhamdulillah, at first, everything went well. But now, everything seems to be faded away with the time. After everyone had graduated from the university, no more messages, no more calls I receive from them. Everyone keeps silent. Maybe they are too busy with their works or with their personal lives. I truly understand that.
But, they did something that can be hardly accepted by my heart. They contacted among themselves without me having the same conversation. It's simply because I don;t have What's App in my phone. When I met them, they acted like I wasn't there at all. They laughed among themselves and ignored me who was sitting beside them. They share a lot of things among themselves without even letting me know. See? To them, my existence is just this much. I seem to be nothing in their lives. When they want to meet, I will always be the last person they contact. They are many things they keep among themselves without even bother to tell me a single thing about it. Because why? Because I'm nothing.
I am preciousless. I am valueless. I am no one in their list of friends.
To end this post, I just can let my tears running down my cheeks.
I know that no matter how much other people hurt us, but we still need to be good to them.
But for me, I only can do this much. I can no longer bear with their attitude on how they value friendship.
Now, I'm leaving. I'm leaving from those who never appreciate me in their lives and leaving to those who appreciate my being.
*Friend, all I need from you is to be appreciated. I never hope for something in return. You mean so much to me but if I mean only this much to you, what ever for we continue this relationship? So, I better take my leave. So that you'll be happier when I'm not around. So long.