Hidup ini

~Bismillah~

Sometimes life can be so funny and even the people itself are even funnier. If I were given a chance, I would like to tell the world about how I feel being a human created by Allah. If I were given a permission, I would like to scream so that all creatures in this world could hear my voice pouring out everything I've been kept inside my heart for so long. If I were brave, I would like to be honest to everyone about each and every single story I had been through with the wrong people; how many time I fell before I reached the peak of success. If I were given the extraordinary power, I would like to gather all the tears that had been streaming down my face and pour it into as many glasses as I can collect. This symbolizes the number of times my heart had been broken and deeply hurt by those bunch of people who were never sensitive about my feelings as a woman. If I were asked, "Zmah, if you were given a chance to go back to the past, what would you do?" I would say, "I would amend everything I had done and I would make sure that my heart is only mine. I would never ever let the guys touch or even steal it from me without my consent."  But... these are not possible, aren't they? Even if Doraemon exists and created his so-called 'mesin cahaya masa,' I can never go back to the past and have the capability of fixing things up because it's beyond my control. And truthfully, the only One who who possibly unquestionably do that is Allah alone. But still... such thing will never happen because the Law of Nature had stated that "what has done is done and what has passed is passed." The past is passed and it never returns. We can never earn back things that had escaped from our hands.

Manusia ni bermacam ragam dan perangai. Macam kain. Ada macam-macam warna dan corak. Dan sememangnya citarasa manusia pun berbeza-beza mengikut karakter yang Allah dah corakkan dalam diri masing-masing. Tak dapat dinafikan bahawa setiap personaliti manusia itu ada keunikan dan kelebihan tersendiri yang kadang bisa membuat manusia lain tersenyum dan tertawa dengan telatahnya. Keunikan dan kelebihan itulah juga yang selalunya membuat hati manusia lain terhibur dari segala kesepiana dan kedukaan yang datang menghantui diri. Bila menyaksikan itu, hati mulalah memuji-muji kuasa Maha Pencipta. "Hebatnya Allah! Menciptakan manusia dengan sikap yang berbeza-beza. Itulah baru namanya manusia ni saling lengkap-melengkapi." Senyum. Hati manusia mana yang tak nak mengakui keagungan kuasa yang Maha Esa. Tak ada satu pun yanag terkurang atau tercacat. Betul manusia ni semua sama tapi sama di mata Allah. Di mata manusia lain, kita semua berbeza sebenarnya. Apa yang nak diperkatakan di sini ialah kadang-kala dengan karakter yang berbeza-beza inilah yang membuat kita sedih dan letih. Letih melayan bermacam-macam kerenah hanya sebab ingin memuaskan hati mereka semua tanpa sedikit pun endah dengan hati diri sendiri. Dengan pandangan pertama, tampak kelihatannya seperti "Bodohnya aku! Apsallah aku ni suka sangat jaga perasaan orang lain sedangkan orang tu langsung tak pernah nak jaga perasaan aku!" Hati mulalah merungut. Itu tak kena. Ini tak kena. Penyebabnya, karakter manusia yang berbeza-beza itu. Nama pun manusia. Fitrahnya lemah. Tak mampu sebenarnya nak berdiri di kaki sendiri bila bercakap soal hati dan perasaan. Kalaulah di sekolah atau universiti, ada subjek yang dinamakan subjek "Hati dan Perasaan," pasti ramai yang akan gagal subjek ni dalam peperiksaan. Sebab soal hati dan perasaan ni terlalu abstrak dan cara mempelajarinya amat mudah, iaitu melalui pengalaman. Tanpa pengalaman, jangan bermimpi ingin lulus subjek hati dan perasaan ni. Kita perlu merasainya, melaluinya... tak kisahlah sama ada melalui pengalaman sendiri atau dari pengalaman orang lain. In sha Allah kita mampu mengerti dan lulus dengan cemerlangnya! Tapi bula bercakap soal hati dan perasaan ni, hati ni bertambah-tambah sakit dan pedih. Terbayang satu persatu wajah orang-orang yang pernah mempermainkan dan menyakiti hati ini pada suatu masa dahulu. Setiap hari cuba  untuk memaafkan mereka tapi bila terkenang kesalahan mereka, hati kembali menjadi sekeras batu. Maafkan diri ini, bukan tak mahu, hanya tak mampu.

Want to stop but want write more.

Again this is another fitrah of human beings. Never satisfied for what he or she had done.

Sentiasa nak lebih. Tapi untuk malam ini, setakat ni dulu, luahan rasa.

*Let's study for the finals!