Death

~Bismillah~

Just dropping by to say hello, how do you do? Hope everyone's doing well. Yeah, it's just me who's not so well today. Maybe because I'm too tired. Walking here and there. Non-stop. I think I should walk less and do more. Do what? Do lots of works. Any kinds of works that can make my heart (physically and spiritually) becomes healthier again. 

Thump... thump... my not-so-normal heart's beating again... thankfully it still beats and pumping my blood throughout my whole body.

Alhamdulillah... I'm still alive. To be frank, I still got I more exam paper left (which will be tomorrow morning!) to struggle so hard because there're still many things that I still need to cover. May Allah ease things for me. I'm still struggling. Struggling to stay calm and healthy as I always do everyday.

Aha! Baru teringat!

Speaking of heart beating, I had just been told by Emak that there was an IIUM student, staying in Mahallah Salehuddin had just passed away this morning. He went at 5 am today. Innalillahi wainna ilaihi raajiuun. From Him we came and to Him we shall return. The reason? Heart attack! That was really shocking!  I pity his family for what had happened to him. Who could expect how and when he would leave us? In addition,  what was more surprising is that he left us because of a heart attack. How does it scare you? Oh, forgive me. Let me correct myself. How does it scare me? It really scares me. So much, especially after knowing the reason for his death was due to a heart attack. So unexpected! Why does it scare me so much? Yup, definitely! It simply because I'm having the same problem with my heart. I've no idea what's really wrong with my heart, even the doctor couldn't tell and so the medical check up result. But to Him I shall submit myself. Only He knows what's really happening to me. But I've never stopped hoping that I'm in a well condition and shall continue my healthy life again, just like everyone else.

But... something's still bothering me... the heart attack. What if I'm fated to leave this world in the same condition as the dead person? Hopefully, not. The only thing that I hope is that I would leave this world as a syahid but if Allah doesn't will me to die that way, then I hope that I would die in my mother's arms. But if Allah still doesn't will to take me such a way, then I hope I would leave this world peacefully in husnul khatimah. I'm really hoping for it and I'm sure everyone is hoping for it too, right? (smile)

As a reminder for all of us, let's take a good look at this verse, when Allah says:

"Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion." (3:185)

Yup. Every living thing Allah has created shall taste death. Hmm... how will it be? My death. How does it taste like? How does it feel like? Will my ending be a happy ending or a sad ending? No one knows, but Him. What ever it is, may it be a death with khusnul khatimah never be with su'ul khatimah.

And one more thing for sure. As long as we're breathing, we still got more time to repent to Him. Jom buat taubat nasuha. Even so, we need to make our sincere repentance towards Allah everyday and every night so long we can breathe because we never know when shall we return to Him.

So, jomlah kita kembali kepada-Nya. Kembali ke jalan-Nya yang lurus. I leave you with a video on zikr terapi by Hafiz Hamidun. By reciting istighfar, it can remind us of all our sins and that's the simplest thing (that I know for sure) we can do to lessen our sins and ask Allah to purify our hearts with all the black dots.

Moh le kite. Beristighfar kepada-Nya...

Take care.

p.s.: I've no idea why I'm thinking of death lately. Everyday I'll hear upon someone's death. Is He giving me some sort of hint? I know I shall die someday but thinking of death somehow makes me nervous and make my tears streaming down from my eyes without I intend to. Semoga Allah memberi ketenangan pada hati ini. Ya Allah, sejujurnya aku takut menghadapi saat itu :'(