salam. alhamdulillah, i have finished having a dinner with my beloved mother at the kitchen. just the two of us. hafiz is busying with dad's laptop while zaim with his astro. hmm, kids today... let them do what ever they like as long as those things won't give them any negative impacts. insya Allah.
while waiting for the rain to stop, my mind suddenly thinking about someone 'special'. hmm, yes he's actually a special friend of mine long time ago, but now, since i don't hear any news about him, so i don't know whether he can be considered as 'special' to me again or not. well, let him be. maybe he wants a 'carefree' life and he doesn't need someone like me to be his friend anymore. because i'm not so important to him. i wish i could listen to his voice again and receive any sms or e-mails from him. unfortunately, these are just my dreams that will not be come true.
as i opened my drawer, my eyes caught a card written on the envelope, "kepada: wan hazimah bt wan ibrahim," i remembered he gave me that card during the last raya before we sit for our final exams. only Allah knows how happy i was to receive a card from my friend. i would say that he was the first person to give me the greeting card. well, thanks to him. until now, i still keep the card safely in a box and put it in the drawer.
"hari raya dah tiba... kalau boleh... saya nak membahagiakan awak... nah! istimewa untuk awak! selamat hari raya. maaf zahir batin." (this is not what he said to me but it's the words taken from the card itself. below are his handwritings...)
harap di hari raya ni, zimah takde lah sedih2 macam selalu. ingat pesan saya. hidup ini sekali, cuma kita je yang boleh menentukan betapa indahnya hidup ini. balik raya ni, jangan ingat apa2 lagi. enjoy dengan family, kawan2 lama dan semua orang. lepas tu, studylah. takkan nak raya sebulan kot. belajar sungguh2. ingat kat mak, kak uda, ayah, kak long, abang dan adik2 zimah. dioranglah orang2 yang sentiasa ada dengan zimah. saya ni hanya satu dari perhentian2 kecil dalam hidup zimah. jadi, ini je yang boleh saya bagi kat zimah. zimah kuatkan semangat, percaya pada diri sendiri. jangan mudah goyang. konfidenkan diri. satu lagi yang saya nak pesan. jangan simpan dendam lama. biarkan je. lupakan segala kesalahan orang dekat kita. lepas raya ni, bukak buku baru. jangan diungkit kisah lalu... jadi diri sendiri, jangan ikut apa yang orang lain cakap. jadi perempuan muslim yang solehah. biar orang lain dengan gaya diorang. zimah tunjukkan yang zimah ni bukan perempuan yang ada dekat luar yang tak tahu jaga maruah diri. apa2 pun, enjoy your holiday! jangan makan kuih raya banyak sangat, nanti kena sakit perut pulak. apapun, maaf zahir batin saya ucapkan. halalkan makan minum saya dan semuanya.
daripada: hamba Allah... (sahabatmu).
hmm, that's what he said during last raya. so touching, right? yeah, i knew it. he's so reach with advices and i believe that all of his advices had almost finished because of me. maybe...
however, now, things are different than before. he changed. he's not like the old hamba Allah that i know. he is totally different. now, he'll no longer answer the phone every time i called him, he never replied my sms and never sent me e-mails. the most important thing is, i have no longer received any of his advices anymore like the first time we became friends. he's gone. gone from my life. he's invisible. when i face difficulties, he's not by my side like always. maybe he's dead... dead from my heart... i don't know whether the title 'friend' could still be given to him or not because all i know, he will never care about me now...
oh Allah, do forgive me if i have made the wrong judgments about my friend. but... i can't lie that i'm so disappointed with his attitudes now. why is he changing? he never care about his friend. maybe it's because i always bother him. yeah... i knew it...
on the other hand, just give what is best for him, oh Allah! as long as my friend is happy, i would feel the same way too. insya Allah... bless us!
DO WHAT YOU LOVE
"Do what you love and you'll be good at it. Sounds simple enough. But what if you love reading comics, playing video games and watching korean dramas until your eyes pop out? Is it possible to make a career out of such things? What's the alternative? Spend all your time wishing you were brave enough to take that leap? Don't let fear stop you from doing what you love. Because ultimately, it's about being true to yourself."