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i know what's right and what's wrong. i am cheerful and out going. it's hard for me to find the one that i want, but once i find the right person, i won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.


"Do what you love and you'll be good at it. Sounds simple enough. But what if you love reading comics, playing video games and watching korean dramas until your eyes pop out? Is it possible to make a career out of such things? What's the alternative? Spend all your time wishing you were brave enough to take that leap? Don't let fear stop you from doing what you love. Because ultimately, it's about being true to yourself."


Monday, 11 March 2013

I'm struggling for the best part of my life.


It has been three weeks since the incident. It's still fresh in my memory, I can tell. In sha Allah, I'm still gathering some strengths out of myself and never stop asking from Allah to give me some more. I'm still praying, alhamdulillah, submitting myself fully to Allah and asking Him to forgive me for all my sins so that I can easily forgive others too. Alhamdulillah, although I cried a lot for what had happened to me, yet I can still accept my fate for it admits that everything happens for a good reason. With that, I keep telling myself that there're always wisdoms behind everything and of course only He knows things that are beyond our knowledge for His knowledge is extremely wide. 

These seven cardinal rules in life have definitely touched my heart and my life seems to be affected by it. You know what, even until now, at this moment, I'm still struggling to let go of the past although my heart feels so heavy in doing it and try to force myself to create a new chapter of my life that contains only sweet memories and added with some sugar of happiness and a pinch of sadness. However, it won't work. Sometimes things just won't work if it's done by force. Nope! Never! It needs to be done with a sincere heart. With a pure heart. Say in my case, I'll only be able to close my old book and open a new one if and only if I'm ready for it. If not, all my effort will be worthless. Useless. Hopeless. Whatever you might call it. That's why, I've no choice. I need more time to heal every wound inside my heart. You know, my heart is bleeding every moment one single 'message' entered my inbox. It's so hurtful. It's not because of the person who was sending it but it's because of the content. The content of the message didn't portray the person whom I know at all. It's like I always tell   myself, "It's not him who  sent you the message, Zmah. It's too harsh" and I believed that as if I pretended I didn't know the sender. The language used was so harsh and direct and the tone, as I read it, was like punching me on the face. It feels like my heart had just been hit by an arrow. It's too painful to read those kind of messages. But, I tried to be strong. I tried to sound as nice as possible. Being patient, is the path that I chose. I don't want to be mad at the person, I've no rights. He did nothing wrong to me. That's the path that he chose and who am I to stop him from making a decision that will surely lead him to achieving   his  goals? He chose to be this way because he thinks that this is the best for we both. He wants to become sucessful and so do I. So, I accepted with an open heart. What should I be angry about? But there's one thing for sure, when one door closes two doors open and Allah knows precisely which door I'm going through in order to enter the best part of my life and I have faith in what He's doing. To add, what I will get by the end of the journey is also His secret. I wouldn't know any single thing about it. My job now is just to forgive, forget and follow the flow. Aha, not just that! Usaha-Dua-Tawakkal are my bekalans. I say to myself everytime I wake up from my slumber, "Always well" and things will run smoothly according to His plan.

So, no more giving up. No more upset. No more anger.
But tears will keep on running down the cheeks.
It's not a weakness. It's an identity.


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